I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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