i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
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