he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i think i just lost a toe
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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