Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
