Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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