I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
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This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
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My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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