The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
