help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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