coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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