dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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