And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
