I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Someone came in the potted fern
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
