I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
