I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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