In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
