Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
