I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize