I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
How external is "for external use only"?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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