the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
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He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
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I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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