If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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