My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
