He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
