we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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