I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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