I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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