I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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