I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
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