i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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