So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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