my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
