Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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