This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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