Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
