I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
