My sheets look like a crime scene.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
