ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
