its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize