i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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