I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize