nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
