please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
