I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
