I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
