Just fell off a train. Bad.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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