Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
