and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
