Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
