Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize