I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
