You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
