i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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