she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
