if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
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