i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
