my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
