Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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