I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
