hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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