Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
