How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
