someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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