Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
