Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
