So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I think I sprained my soul last night
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
