are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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