I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
