When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
