While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
porn star boner night. come get it.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
