i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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