How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
