you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
