We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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