Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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