she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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