haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
