The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
whose ass print is on the piano?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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