I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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