porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
