we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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