how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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