dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
