How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
