my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
